Why i quit porn

Most of us have probably been exposed to porn at least once in our lives. It's been associated with naughtiness, sexuality, sin, and other things. Some may find it humorous, others find it morally offensive, but perhaps we can all agree that porn is purely entertainment. However i find porn to be unlike many forms of entertainment in mainstream media. Growing up, i found there is a dark side to porn that not many are aware of or refuse to acknowledge.

At a young age, i clicked on my 1^st porn site sitting at my brother's computer. I knew he looked at porn and told my mother “Mommy i saw him look at naked women..” She looked displeased so we all had a meeting. She told him about the incident and he looked annoyed. Who could blame him? After all, he was my older brother. Neither him or her would teach me the full significance of porn. I grew up with the curiosity of sex in my mind. By the age of 10, i was already exposed to different positions such as doggie style and types of sex such as anal. I was very cautious to not let anyone see me.

When i hit puberty at age 13, i was very confused as to what to believe on sex. After i experienced my 1^st erection, i had many questions racing through my head such as “What's an erection? Why does puberty happen? What is sex? What are STD's? What is birth control? What's happening to my body?” I was too afraid to ask my mom as i feared ridicule and judgment. I also feared talking to a school counselor about puberty as i felt uncomfortable sharing it. I mean what would it look like if i suddenly walked into a guidance counselor's office and said “Yea i just came from my Algebra 1 class to talk to you about my hard-on..” that's some reason!

Anyways, i stayed silent about my sexuality but i was suffering. After my parent's separation, i had no male figure i could comfortably discuss puberty with. I was left with my mom and younger sister. It was a very confusing and conflicting experience. I almost wanted to curl up in a ball like a child and weep because i had no one to console me. I'm sure some women noticed my erection but did nothing more than smile. How would others view me? Was i supposed to be ridiculed for my sexuality? What is the definition of a man? I thought. Still i couldn't find the source of Truth to calm the nerve.

Depressed and anxious, i sat at my computer desk finally making the decision to somehow my sexuality. I was angry and desperate because my older brother was the more mature role model in the family. Why was he allowed to experience the world while i was kept in the dark? How come he gets to know about sex and i don't? That was the day i made the choice to become a porn addict. I clicked on video after video of big busted beauties giving oral, receiving rough anal, and vaginal intercourse. I enjoyed the excitement, the thrill, the action, every bit of aggressive acts. Porn was my sex ed and entertainment.

This went on for many years until i saw various articles explaining the negative effects of porn. Porn addicts looking at high levels of porn are prone to suffer loss of Dopamine (1). I also heard arguments from both sides. I wondered “What are the side effects of porn? What are the long-term consequences? How was porn affecting me? Is porn sexist? Is porn totally harmful? How much of it is harmful and how much of it isn't? Is it detrimental to future relationships in the long run?”

I re-evaluated my belief that porn was a harmless form of entertainment. I did notice several behaviors that i sub-consciously brought into realization. For example, i noticed that i interpreted friendly smiles from women as sexually suggestive. My expectations of a future spouse (Ex. Large-sized breasts) was similar to that of my some of my favorite porn stars: Alexis Texas, Sophie Dee, Monica Sweetheart, Kelly Divine, the list goes on. I fantasized about rough sex and using various positions only because it's what i saw in porn, not a conscious desire i've made. I incorporated the moans and words i saw in porn into my beliefs of how sex is. I also worried about the size of my penis in comparison to what i saw in Porn. I felt insecure that it wasn't as big as i saw. It was not until later that when a woman truly loves you, size becomes irrelevant.

Real sex is far different than is depicted in porn as i learned from other sources. In real sex, there is gentle foreplay and affection beforehand. This was typically not shown in porn. There are also other emotional factors which could affect your partner's need for sex. I watched porn videos again and saw that beneath all the sexual excitement – there was no passionate love. Porn stars were void of emotion and intimacy. If there was any, it'd be outside the bedroom beyond our reach. Real sex is about communication and love-making. Everyone has different ways of having sex. Some like it gentle and others rough. Some prefer hugging and kissing, others prefer just touching. Everyone is unique and porn mostly shows almost the same sexual script each video.

I also heard of abuse occurring in the porn industry such as choking, hitting, slapping, and punching. In many cases, porn stars were forced to engage in rough painful sex over and over until they were done right. The working conditions were terrible as they were forced to work in unsanitary places. It's reported that many porn stars have at least one STD. Several porn stars come from abusive homes and have a history of depression along with suicidal thoughts. I became aware that the porn industry was not as portrayed once you looked behind the scenes. I was compelled to either make porn safer or stop watching it all together.

Finally, the most powerful realization was that of my future family. Porn stars are known to have photoshopped and faked most of their bodies. Many sex positions shown are done by pros and can rarely be executed by the average person. It is thus that if i ever had a wife, she might feel inadequate for living up to standards that don't exist. Porn to me was always a drug. It would get me hyped up for sex then i'd feel burned out afterwards. If it's so addictive, what would happen if porn took control of my sex life rather than my wife? If i had kids, how would they feel towards me viewing porn? I'd be ashamed and devastated if i ever heard my son or daughter ask the question “Daddy, do you not love mommy anymore?”

That last thought caused me to make the decision to leave porn and find healthier ways of learning about sex. There is more to love than making love. There is more to love than sex. While porn may not have any drastic effects on a single person, it can deeply affect a relationship. True, couples can agree to watch porn but those may be rare exceptions. Perhaps they place limits on how much is viewed and are comfortable in their sexuality.

To sum it up, i decided that my life would be better off without porn. Even if porn wasn't at all harmful, i feel my sexuality could enhanced without having to depend on erotic pictures and video. Although i haven't watched porn in a long time, i still have the erotic pictures and scenes stuck in my mind. It may take a lot of dedication to learn what true sex and love consists of but i'm willing to explore it all with a supportive life partner.

1. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2051902/Men-use-internet-porn-likely-hopeless-bedroom.html